when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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