I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
