That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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