Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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