you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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