He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
