Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
