It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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