Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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