I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
