every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Acid is not a monday night drug
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize