just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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