i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
