i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
