If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
