Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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