never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
