he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
