pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was born a porn star she said
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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