i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
