a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize