Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
