i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
