Moan for me like Helen Keller
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
