He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
