We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
