Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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