I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
