I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
