dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
