I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
