halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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