if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize