you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
