I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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