In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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