I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
