The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
