You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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