Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
