You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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