I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
