I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
