I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
