office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are the jesus of drinking
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
