i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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