guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
