What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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