We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
