Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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