Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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