summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
