I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
