I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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