i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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