he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
