i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
should my penis look like a turkey
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
