Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
