I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
