I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
