Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
