In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
