About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
