I'm going to jail i love you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
