so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
