whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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