I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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