My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
