Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
