Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
