Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize