I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
