where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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