Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
