Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
