GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
