Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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