If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize