You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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