highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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