my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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