I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
