It's like God shit irony all over that family
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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