Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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