Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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