goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
