While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
