i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
