she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
