Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
