She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
