Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize