so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
