Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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