An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize