Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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