well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
