I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
