End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
3 2 1 whiskey
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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